9 December 2005
“Oh people my people. It’s really so flippen wonderful. We are back in the real world inside of South Africa and quite glad not to have to drink all that flippen Belgium beers anymore.
“And hey, hang on to your underpants because guess why guys. Because we also got our own TV show which is going to be on TV next year and we are busy making it right now.
“So to all you golden kids out there who always believed in the Dream and shared in the Love, we just want to say: Come on! Believe it! Thanks.”
Meet Corne and Twakkie, stars of The Most Amazing Show (T*M*A*S). If you’re not South African, you’ll probably find them scary. If you are you’ll find them scary anyway, but you’ll laugh a lot too. As they would say, Corne and Twakkie are totally not kak.
They’re like a bad seventies flashback: mullets, insane facial hair, tight shiny shorts last worn on a high school hockey pitch in 1974, and wonderfully mangled SA English.
According to their website, Corne – the Love Captain – is 6ft 4in (23in x 4in), “the fabulous host of The Most Amazing Show and part-time healer at the Dai Maharaj Centre for Healing through Eastern Eroticism.”
His co-host Twakkie is 4ft 6in, and has 84 broken bones and eight metal plates. “He made a name for himself as a stuntman in the golden decade of the 1980s and still struggles to cope with the unbearable stress of stardom.”
You’d better believe it, ’cause it’s true.
For five years Corne and Twakkie have toured South Africa in their clapped-out caravan, taking T*M*A*S to sell-out shows in places like Kokstad and developing a serious cult following. They’ve appeared at the National Arts Festival and hosted Oppikoppi, South Africa’s major music festival, for two years in a row.
They’re also big in Belgium.
“In case you forgot about it we were just overseas in Europa in a country called Belgiam at a big giant festival called Pukkelpop which was totally not kak,” they say.
The festival “was there rocking that piece of soil which is usually a pig farm just outside a town called Hasselt. What an amazing place and also the birthtown of David Hasselthoff. Amazing. We are very famous in Europa.
“Its true what they say you know, you Belgians have an amazing sense of human.”
The Most Amazing TV Show
They’ll soon be even more famous in South Africa. The SABC2 channel, which focuses on local South African content and language, has snapped up The Most Amazing Show, with the first series already in production.
The show is being filmed on a most amazing set. There’s the Corne and Twakkie caravan, littered with old South African kitsch such as leopard-print bed sheets and Tretchikoff paintings.
Then, of course, there’s the jacuzzi, where the pair wear skin-tight one-piece swimsuits to interview their unfortunate guests. Each episode also showcases local musicians, who have to perform on a bizarre stage featuring the face of a clown with a gaping hole for a mouth and a garden swing chair.
“It’s nice to be back,” they say. “Its nice to be famous. And we can’t hardly wait to see all of you lovely golden kids again.”